her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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