I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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