shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
