last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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