Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
