i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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