apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
and you fell through a lawn chair
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
