Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
