We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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