are you so shy because you have an std?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
how do you play pong handcuffed?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
