everyone is single if you try hard enough
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
