Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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