Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
