i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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