Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
