I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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