you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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