either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
