my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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