Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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