remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
