She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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