That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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