I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
