Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
