is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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