butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
