I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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