Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
