Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Even my vagina gasped.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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