Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
