Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
