Someone shit on the floor
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
