how can u be prego again
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
