i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm passing your future prison.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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