I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
