the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
