i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
