So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
