You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
