she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
