The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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