At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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