I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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