u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
