watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
