I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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