Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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