1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
