Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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