You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
