All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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