so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
