did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
