I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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