Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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