his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
