Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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