Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
