I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize