I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize