i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
